What Is a Womanizer?

@anon132755: My present situation, I never thought it could happen to me. I am an educated young woman 31 years old, and I met this older, seemingly charming gentleman (38 years old) at church, of all places.

He pursued me. I did my best to thwart his advances but eventually caved in. He loved me and said it was God's will for us to be together (first red flag) but I ignored it. I had recently relocated from the city to a rural setting and felt isolated. He became my friend and lover. I felt I was on cloud nine initially, that he was Mr. Right. I felt God had sent me a good man.

Fast forward five months later. I can't rid myself of him. I had my suspicions, and on a gut feeling, I unlocked his phone and found text messages from an ex with "love you" and “pick me up at my house and drop me off.” In addition, I found texts from other women. He assures me he is the greatest man and that I can do no better. He cooks, he works, and all the women want him. He does not force me to do anything, but I don't want to do anything to hurt him, yet I know he will hurt me.

I recently met a baby mama and she warned me to run while I can, that he has a history of womanizing, domestic violence, and a bad father. I broke up with him and couldn't stay away. I came back like a dog to her vomit and ratted out the baby mama. He uses sex to control me (I was sexually abused as a child). I want to leave and am praying for a way out.

I never thought this could happen to me, I am disappointed in myself and ashamed. I have lost my chastity and self respect. I've been lying to protect him and my family thinks I am nuts. Today I feel sick to my stomach and asking God to make another way.

Womanizer, eh? Well my knowledge of biology tells me that women should have babies with a womanizer. You see, womanizers like to sleep around a lot. This behavioral trait is, or should be, inheritable. So if you have, let's a boy with such a man, your boy will grow up to be a womanizer too (hopefully), and he will sleep around and pass on your genes. Think about it.

Fell in love with a womanizer and we had a son. We broke it off before our son was born and got back together, only to find out he married another ex three months before. Then I found out on my own eight months into it.

It hurts, and every single second I think of him and what he's doing and I want to call him. But, I know my son I deserve the best, not the small pieces of time he would be able to offer. I am staying strong for my son because he deserves the world. As for the womanizer, I haven't heard from him in weeks. What else is new?

What do I do now that I know that my husband is a womanizer and speaks about his daily dating activities with his wife, surfs the net for new dating suggestions and keeps on working on how to impress women? He says every man loses his love for his wife immediately after marriage, and he did, too. Do I need to stay in this relationship and wait for a change in him that someday he will love me back, or do I need to move on?

Please help. I am in a dilemma and can't afford to spoil my whole life expecting affection from him. I love him so much that even the thought of leaving him is terrible. Please help. I don't have much experience in these issues. I've been married for six months and am becoming psychologically weak, my confidence levels have dropped and I've lost interest in life. Please give me some suggestions on how to deal with this person. Maybe your suggestions will make life better.

These are the things I'm going to do differently:

1. I'm changing the way I think and I'm going to renew my mind with the truth about myself. I'm a beautiful woman with goals and dreams and I'm holding out for the best and the commitment.

2. I'm focusing on myself and my career and setting goals for the future. I'm investing time in the people I love, like my son, family and friendships.

3. I'm going to exercise four times a week and get into really good shape and use my talents to help others in some way.

4. I will have at least two people that I'm close to who I can call when I'm feeling weak-willed or insecure.

These are just a few things. Basically what I learned is that if you are a person who is isolated for whatever reason (divorce, poverty, illness, etc.) it is important to get a small network of relationships in your life so that you can love and be loved. When you don't feel loved and are isolated it makes you a target for predators or addictions to come into your life. Thank you for taking the time to read this and allowing me to share my hurt. I pray for all of those who post here that God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you. --Newsday

I wanted to respond to post 67. I appreciate your honesty in admitting your behavior and acknowledging that you deeply wounded others, whether intentionally or not. The fact that you have remorse and take ownership for your actions is a good sign that you may very well give up your womanizing traits. Somehow, reading your post gave me some comfort since I have been on the receiving end of such behavior.

I want to share my story so perhaps this could help someone out there. I'm an educated, divorced, single mom. Although I have been told that I'm attractive and that I should date and remarry, I just never met anyone that sparked my attention. I think the fact that I live in a fairly small town, was raising my son alone and working most of the time was a contributing factor. So, I've been single for 7 and 1/2 years. I met this amazing guy who was very good looking but his personality matched his looks. Also, he was educated very wealthy, excellent job, charming and pretty much had all the bells and whistles.

Initially, I just wanted to be friends but he was insistent that we 'date' and he began talking about our future together. We had an unusual connection with each other (so it seemed) and could really talk. It was so refreshing and I felt an emotional closeness with him. We lived over two hours away from each other and our relationship was primarily that we would text each other most evenings and some mornings. We got together some and when we did he was very affectionate and wanted to be physical but I held off because I have morals.

Eventually, all the wonderful conversations we had at the beginning digressed into conversations about sex and how much he wanted me. Over time I also wanted him. So, months passed and I was getting more attached to him. So eventually, I made the mistake of sleeping with him. He said he would call and he didn't. Then I sent him a text telling him I wanted to talk to him and he agreed. He then told me he was pursuing another relationship with a woman who was more compatible with him. I felt like someone hit me with brick. After our conversation I sent him a text basically confronting him and telling him that I finally saw him for who he really is which is a man who preys on women and deceives them. He had absolutely zero remorse, guilt or shame. He sent me a text and told me the woman he was pursuing -- actually they had already been in a relationship the same length of time as us. He then told me that he slept at her house and she at his and they had so much in common. He was intentionally trying to hurt me as if he was getting pleasure from it. Now imagine, I had done nothing to this man but love him. This man, in my opinion, definitely has some kind of contempt or hidden anger towards women. Needless to say, I have been extremely hurt about this but there is nothing I can do except to learn from it and move on (which I'm not doing a very good job since I feel emotional and cry a lot)

Now for the part I played in this. These are the things I see that I did. I pray someone learns from my mistakes. First, I ignored many red flags. First, was that he divorced his wife based on the fact that he was no longer interested in her. He claims there was no infidelity on either his or her side. This shows that he did not value the commitment of marriage. Second, he had been divorced 17 years when we met. Meanwhile during the 17 years he had five long-term relationships (lasting from one to five years each). There again a lack of commitment.

Third, his father was married 15 times (huge red flag as the apple doesn't fall far from the tree)

Fourth, my mother, sister, cousin and even my son had reservations about him and still I ignored their concerns.

Fifth, he did not want to drive to see me but would rather text me ( I can't believe I settled for so little).

So, what did I learn about myself? I came to realize that I needed to improve my self-esteem by realizing my value. By realizing our value and seeing ourselves as a precious gift we will then attract the right kind of men. I also see that I was stubborn and did not listen to counsel. This is not good because our family and friends can often see things we don't see and the fact that they love us should be enough for us to consider their counsel.

I saw that I like to see life with rose-colored glasses and what I want to see, rather then reality. It's good to be an optimist but if one is not careful it can cross over to denial. I think I believed what I wanted to believe about him because I wanted him to be that knight in shining armor (sounds silly but true for some of us). Today I thought about it and I thought, 'he used me' and then I thought, 'no, I let him use me.' No one can use you if you don't let them. I'm not a victim anymore.

The article is very much true and I have seen such people acting in such a manner. wiseGEEK is trying its best to cover all kinds of subjects and gives reasonable points to understand such people. I appreciate it very much.

O.K., as I read this and think, if you know what he looks like and how he acts, and then think to myself why do you date them?

Here is your answer: confidence. So the next time you see that shy nerdy friend of yours think, "Why is he my friend?" It is not your body or your looks. It is your friendship.

Then get the gumption and ask him why me and if you think he comes up with something half answered or says because, I want to be there for you. Here is the answer: he wants to say, "I think you're cool, fun, interesting and want to date you."

Quick thing: If the sex seems fast, then it probably is. The true one wants to wait and not rush you for fear of losing you.

This is very strange. The posts here show how thin the line is drawn between adulterous behavior and seductive personalities in people.

It does take a level of seduction in order to be lustful and to act lustfully to have a physical but not emotional commitment. Seeking lustful attentions however, and loving the sex you're attracted to are opposing in nature. Lust is a desire, not a means to the achievement of such desire.

Also, the actual physical desire is not necessary for satisfaction in seductive behavior in a personality and lack of character need not conflict with a lack of commitment. To be a seducer is to be focused intently and subconsciously and feeding the ego through seduction is the mindset of a womanizer or female equivalent, the seductress. Being male does not mean there is a requirement for arousal in the seeker of such behavior.

The female archetype of seductress is varied, and the personality and social (not financial) placement makes it difficult for people to make a mark on who or what type of woman is a seductress. A man who is a seducer need not have sexual needs to have a need to seduce. It is the lie of attraction and reason for the attraction that is deceptive.

Cheaters and controlling people do not use their words to express their feeling of being victimized. A seducer or seductress is not necessarily a predator, nor necessarily predatory by nature. However, it has nothing to do with love, but the entanglement of a person who uses seduction as a means of understanding the opposite sex and relating to them. The animalistic energy being exchanged between the seduced and the seducer can create a tie that is unnatural and does not express love and appreciation. The manipulation of desire and being desirable is an exchange between two people.

No one who refuses to believe in a lie about the reason that connects a person to another in attraction would engage in this behavior. Seductive behaviors are undesirable to both men and women who do not wish to be desired on a level that is unrealistic. They seek an honest connection beyond feelings and caring about each other.

In fact, the truth about seduction and those who are the seducers is that it is not about feeling for each other, but is animalistic in form. It is the habitual craving and exercise of feeding egos and puffing others up, so beauty and social position is not necessary, because it is of no consequence. All those other elements of these entanglements in which people claim they were manipulated are very political. If you feel vulnerable in your ego, if you have low self esteem, if you desire to be a god in another's eyes, to be put on a pedestal, then you are sending vibes out into your social encounters that you prefer a seducer or seductress and those who are addicted to behaving in seductive ways don't need to be sexual in the attempt to get you "caught," because you and they have already played the seduction game before you got caught in the web and the lie is one of ego.

It is not always women caught in this trap, it is also men, but the seductress or seducer is infatuated in their own perception of acceptance and it has nothing to do with relationships. It's a play and it's a lie, but it's about denying another who desires you, even when it is a man playing the part.

Whether sexual acts are involved or not, it is more associated with the drive of both people, but it is not an even exchange of energy. It is imbalanced and it is not seduction, but entrapment, and can result in a female or male rapist if sex is involved. But in most cases of seduction, the seduced enjoys the game, the seducer enjoys the game, and if it is about maturity and not having this type of personality disorder, then it is just a game. If this is the case, it is usually outgrown as the person matures.

Seduction is an age-old trick of the mind and mood with the purpose of denying the other person the experience of "knowing" the seducer and seduced. But, when the seductive, animalistic nature is combined with the violence of predatory and actual victimization, you get a rapist.

So, a lot of you posters are throwing words around because you feel hurt and haven't forgiven someone, or because you're entangled in an unhealthy relationship. But the intent of seduction doesn't always have an end result, except that one person feels persuaded to pay attention to another or believe they are craved by another in a false form of energetic responses between people, when they actually do not feel anything for the other except for the feeling of being the powerful persuader or being powerfully persuaded."

This should be the initiation attraction that fades into a real knowing of each other. It is an illusion of desire that need not be sexual at all in nature, but instead is nature out of sync with human needs and communication.

Womanizers don't change. I was seduced at the age of 67 by a charming man I had visions of loving forever. As soon as he knew he had me hooked, he started pushing me away, making room for another woman he found online.

Today I caught him in a big lie and with another woman. I am finished. I told him to never speak to me again and I never want to see him again.

I loved him so much and at first he was any woman's dream: talented, handsome, adequate money for retirement. But he's been married four times. Should have been my clue. He is 65 and still a womanizer and liar. He was molested by older cousins at the age of five. Thank God I'm out.

A lot of these examples aren't womanizers, but just guys whose girlfriends refuse to leave despite their wandering eyes, hands and other parts. I've had a lot of female friends who will put up with some outrageous crap hoping he will change or get convinced they could never do any better. They often spend a *lot* of time complaining to their friends about "catching" him, but we know good and well she''ll quickly take him back after a few apologies, compliments, gifts and bullcrap promise to change.

When society really talks about womanizers, it's more about status. They are men who are considered handsome and usually well-to-do/high-profile (which makes them very likable to most women). They are typically married, yet continue to chase/receive other women despite it being well known. So rather than calling them a pig, creep, dog and names men less attractive or powerful would be called for doing the exact same things, he's a "womanizer." When used in this sense, the line between insult and compliment is blurred due him being considered highly desirable.

I am saddened to hear all these stories because a lot of what I read makes me feel for everyone, especially the ones who seem to endure years of heartache or where the guys seem like completely nasty morons. Therefore, I regret to say that I too, perhaps possess some of these “womanizing” traits. Perhaps it's an American thing? Or do guys in Europe also do these things? Anyway, although a common term, it's used in rather differing and loose ways, throughout all your posts. However, the recurrent theme to me seems to be of insecurity, jealousy, possession, excitement with the new, confusion as to the meaning or understanding of love (perhaps my interpretation) and lying in order to avoid emotional trauma or indeed, confrontation with anyone involved to achieve one's end, i.e., to have sex with a new woman.

Here in Ohio I was in a relationship for almost two years and my now ex-partner who is madly in love with me, recently found some messages on my cell. The messages were between me and another girl (also living in Ohio) I had had a fling with. The fling had ended a few months ago but had lasted over a period of six to seven months, in which time I slept with the girl several times and at which time she became pregnant and had an abortion. None of this was apparent from the messages, but I blurted it all out shortly afterward, and the truth came out, well, almost all of it. That evening was terrible, especially for her. And times are still terrible for her.

I feel very very ashamed about my actions and the main feeling is the anger with myself. I am angry that I have hurt someone so badly in this way. This was someone who trusted and loved me so devotedly and so uncompromisingly and selflessly. I feel a lot of guilt. I would do anything so she would not to have to trudge through this horrible mess, but alas, there is not much I can do. I am trying to answer all her questions. Even though she has left, I reply to all her messages and queries, but it's hard because I am often cornered and do not know or remember, which makes things more confusing for her sometimes.

To make things worse, she then discovered that I had told the girl that I loved her and that she had also fallen in love with me. The two of them spoke about the affair and told one another the lies I had told to each of them.

The fact is, what I did was wrong. There is no denying this. And I am ashamed and remorseful. But, and this is a big but, whatever you may be thinking, and this is no excuse for my actions in any way, I never had any intention to hurt anyone. In fact, I had very strong feelings and also developed feelings for the girl with whom I had had an affair, but whether I did actually love her is neither here nor there. After the affair had ended and indeed during, I had promised myself that she should never discover this, and that for her to do so would ruin her. In my twisted reality, it was paradoxically my duty not to tell her, but to hide it from her. I feel ashamed even to write this. But I was in turmoil too, and the point at which I developed feelings for this girl was a point, or stretch of difficult time for me. I was deeply confused and also suffered with strong bouts of guilt, naturally.

My ex is correct. I am always in search of something that is the next level up, something better, and I think that half the time I live in a fantasy world by assuming that this is possible, Indeed, it is a world that is unfair to those who fall for me. But by no means do I do any of this with any sort of malicious or calculating intent. On the contrary, I'm a good person, really. This is not a good account of a truly good person, I know. But I do not go around looking to hurt or manipulate women. I love women and deeply respect them and all their delightfulness and intrigue. But I cannot help this seemingly innate urge and desire to be with more women, and to feel the excitement.

On the one hand, I feel perhaps this will continue until such time that I really do find the right one and if so, then it's my responsibility to make this clear; but on the other, less optimistic, hand, perhaps I will forever be yearning for the new and next conquest. I hope this is not how my life will be. I'm 33 and want to live in a stable relationship in a stable and normal world. In this tragic story, the relationship of two years falls apart, along with her heart, the other girl's heart and mine too. I will be alone for a while. Probably a good thing.

Such a great friend that you were for four years to me. You were a wonderful ear to listen to the woes that I experienced with the father of my children. A kind face to see when I was sort of in despair. Then, when I finally got the courage and motivation to leave, you swooped down like a hawk. I told you I was not ready. I kept it so real, but you pursued me relentlessly, showering me with “love”. Finally, I caved in, and realized I loved you too.

Things were great for the first year and a half. We moved in together. You “loved” me and my children. I started getting weird feelings, started finding out little things -- nothing too concrete -- about other women here and there. Then the crap hit the fan, and I discovered an infidelity. I urged you to separate, but you held on. Finally, I could stand it no more, and asked you to leave. You went with this girl.

After some months, you “apologized.” It was a clever ruse that dripped with sincerity and regret. I caved again. I gave you another chance, but my fear and distrust kept you at arm’s length. It kept me alert, and in constant battle mode. My guard slowly started receding. Then, after four months, there it was: that feeling again. Then, another discovery: you had met someone at work and were dating her along with me! And, you were dating the mother of your children off and on the whole time we were together! To top it all off -- yes, folks, it gets worse -- the baby’s momma is having twins now! Wow. Twins on the way, and you still have the nerve to start a new relationship and kick it like you are single and child free. Now you will have five children (and I never minded the other children, since I have them also). Have fun paying your child support for all of them on retail wages. Oh well. Life goes on.

I agree: Womanizers are usually hurting or emotionally traumatized people. But don't judge them. Same goes for playettes. If you are emotionally sane, know how to trust your intuition and have good judgment, and your alarm bells will go off in an instant of eye contact with them and you will stay away. For those who despise them so much, I agree not to ever get with those players who purposefully are narcissistic and careless, who would be rejected instantly by someone who is solid themselves on the inside in their soul, character and mind. These solid people usually have solid relationships and are married or in a deeply committed relationship.

Now ask yourself: why they are so interesting? Because we all need to learn from them and why they cannot settle down.

They teach a very important lesson about learning while doing (as frank and inappropriate it sounds, it still has meaning), and maybe even know this themselves, and therefore have only a bit of remorse. They are out there to learn again what most have been deprived of: our true nature. How so? For starters, I believe a player is someone who has been into very deep emotional states in the past and inside him or her is trying to get the best of themselves out through learning again with his or her sexual counterpart. While aiming to make a connection, real men and real women have the ultimate goal of being/becoming ready for real love and be on the lookout while also improving their judgment, and while getting to know someone deciding what it is they are lacking. They do not go out to find a partner to just sexually mate with, they want more than just a connection. They seek answers for themselves and are curious, playful/humorous, kind but firm and do not harm. They know how to be open and truthful, especially with themselves. By the way post 59 again: If you think you will find the girl you'll love in a nightclub and expect a long term thing to happen, my opinion the chances for that are short to nothing. But no one knows what tomorrow brings and how we evolve.

Go for what you want more than what you desire. But in the end, a blog is here to guide and is not a rulebook. It may inspire and open up new perspectives, however you make the recipe to your life. It will certainly not banish all players, unwanted or bad people. I believe in the end, all answers, strength, luck, motivation, love, fulfillment, your life – it all is derived from within. There are no outer effects/ hurdles not letting you climb to your next level. They are all inside of you.

Maybe players are not meant to be in relationships until they have taught enough people a lesson. We are all a cause for broken relationships and decorating love rather than living it. Anything negative you think and act will be the circle of your current life.

Maybe for a player saying also, maybe at the moment I'm not ready, but real men (many times evolved players) say I know who I am and I will share my experiences, never harm and know that learning, accepting and confidence in self while being your true self is what will attract the right one into your life. They change themselves on a daily basis through constantly looking for better answers, and they lead to seeing answers that gradually come from within. It is an organic process.

Womanizers are not evolved; they have issues, but don't we all? We all fell for the wrong people, but we all were still in our baby shoes and still are in the matter of love and relationships. Why? Because we think we know it all while we know nothing, especially about ourselves. True, it's hard to find someone who is solid in the end, but eventually when all relationships go south around the world, will we all finger point or start opening our minds and find the solution within? No one is good or bad. Some are either one of the other, more or less. Therefore we need balance, we teach balance and we learn balance. Everyone, not just people who are "different."

@post 59: You should think about it outside of your current emotional state of having a crush on the unknown. Were you drunk? Normally in a club, I suppose you get drunk and some people and some women enjoy attention so much that there is always a possibility that (a) they are hungry for love but have issues and basically you get what you see, namely nothing, since miss hyde comes out through the alcohol. And especially when you are drunk you are not yourself, no matter how open you become with another. Or (b) She is obviously afraid or rather, not sure about this particular thing between you two, or (c) She made it all up to have a laugh with her friends later or (d) She has moved outside of the country. Basically, the list can go and on, but that's not what you should be thinking about. If she hasn't replied within a week, don't stop playing the field. Not in a mean or selfish way, but to learn, observe, progress and close the deal you want/ not just desire. That means not just focusing on a particular girl but yourself.

Sometimes it's right to say "things happen for a reason" and "if it's meant to be then it will be,” but you have to believe that sometimes you are meant to go through the pain of not getting what you want or thought you were getting in order to learn and experience and become better -- better for the best you can get and be with a sense of without having to control or the urge to control any outcome.

Love is free like a bird. You can let it go to the other side of the ocean and still smell the breeze and know it's there 110 percent. Don't rush it, because that will also drive someone away. See it as God sent you someone knowing that you have a flow and it needs learning and repairing so you are ready for the one. See it as a blessing and the one is here to come and stay by herself. And that may also mean that you have to improve first. Look for the answers within yourself and maybe one day (could be soon) you meet that girl again or even better: a fresh, better kind of woman who will make you feel it's right without any doubt.

I've heard people announce and declare that we choose for ourselves for marriage to be the highest expression of the grandest experience of love of which human beings are capable. That's what we have said. Well, the institution the way we have currently devised it – not the institution per se, and not marriage per se – but marriage the way we (society) have constructed it, has no validity, given where we say we want to go. Validity itself is a relative term. Relative to what? Relative to what we are announcing and declaring. That we are choosing for ourselves as a species, and as individuals for marriage to be an expression of the highest and grandest love of which humans are capable? Then we proceed to construct a marriage institution and a marriage experience that produces exactly the opposite of that. It is virtually the lowest form of love which humans are capable. A love that possesses, rather than releases. A love that limits, rather than expands, a love that owns, rather than disowns. A love that makes virtually everything around it smaller, rather than make everything around it larger.

We've created an experience of marriage that has nothing to do with love in far too many instances. We've created a holder, a shell, some kind of encasement, and that's what we want marriage to be. We want it to be an encasement that holds everything exactly where it was the moment you said I love you, and that holds everyone exactly where they were in that first moment. But people and events move around and they change. Life is an evolution. And so marriage, as we have constructed it, works against the very process of life itself, because it produces very little breathing room in the way many societies, religions and families have constructed it.

Largely, marriage has been used by these groups as a mini prison, as a kind of contractual arrangement that says everything will be for now and evermore, the way it is in this moment. You will love no one else, and you certainly won't demonstrate that love for anyone else in the way you demonstrate your love for me. You won't go anywhere else except where I go, you'll do very little that I do not do with you, and in most ways, from this day forward, your life is going to be, at least to some degree limited, and so the very thing that should not limit people and should release the spirit within them, works against that, and limits people and closes the spirit down. That's the irony of marriage as we've created it.

We say “I do,” and from that moment we say “I do” we can't do the things that we would really love to do in life in the largest measure. That's not true, of course, in all marriages naturally, but it's true in enough of them, I'm going to say the majority of them, and that's why we have such a high divorce rate, because it isn't so much that people have gotten tired of each other, not nearly so often as they've gotten tired of the limitations that marriage seems to have imposed on them. The human heart knows when it's being asked to be less. Now this is not an argument against marriage as an institution, let's be clear. This is an exploration of what we've created the institution of marriage to be in the largest number of cases.

And so, our challenge is, can we live in a relationship without condition? Can we live in a relationship that doesn't ever say no, but simply says yes to another? Can we use relationships as an expression of the grandest kind of love we could ever imagine? Do we love our loved ones enough to say the three magic words? Not, “I love you.” They're quite frankly overused, but here are the three magic words of every relationship: “As you wish.” When you're prepared to say that, then we have truly given people back to themselves. Until we are ready to say that we have simply sought to use our relationship with another to bring us what we imagine ourselves to need in order to be happy. Think about it.

The relationship is the most important experience of our lives. Without it, we are nothing -- literally. That is because in the absence of anything else we are not. Fortunately there is not a one of us who doesn't have a relationship. Indeed, all of us are in a relationship with everything and everyone all of the time. We have a relationship with ourselves, we have a relationship with our families, we have a relationship with our environment, we have a relationship with our work, we have a relationship with each other. In fact, everything that we know and experience about ourselves, we understand within the context that is created by our relationships, but what does it take to make a relationship work?

That's been a great puzzlement for me, because here I thought I was doing what it took to keep my significant others from leaving, but they kept on leaving anyway. I never noticed that I was always trading this for that in my relationships. I'll tell you what. I won't laugh like this if you don't cough like that. See, I won't eat like this if you don't forget to put the toothpaste cap back on the tube like that, or whatever it is that we were trading, and the trades were much larger than that, I'm afraid. In fact, I realized I was playing trade when the other person stopped trading me what I thought they were supposed to give me. That was our quid pro quo arrangement: I'll give you this,and you'll give me that, and when I stopped receiving what I thought was supposed to receive I left the relationship. Or in some cases when they stopped receiving what they thought was implicitly theirs, what they thought I was going to give them, they left the relationship.

That's how I discovered that I was into relationships for all the wrong reasons, that I was somehow searching for that treasure, that negotiable currency that I could have which would be large enough to keep everyone in the relationship. What aspect of myself would be so attractive, so undeniable, so magnetic, that, no matter what, she would stay in the relationship? And I didn't understand until I lost yet another in a series of important relationships, what was going wrong. We're in relationships for what we can get out of them, and were willing to trade all right, but we see relationships as just that-almost a business transaction. We don't understand the purpose of a relationship. And the purpose of a relationship has nothing to do with what you think you can get out of it, and everything to do with what you choose to put into it. But not putting something into it as a means of extracting from it what you wish to receive, but simply putting something into it as a means of noticing who you really are.

So whatever you put into a relationship, be sure that you put into it authentically, and never deny for a moment the real you, and if the real you isn't sufficient enough or attractive enough to keep that person in the relationship, then let them leave, because someone will come into your life who will appreciate you for you.

Wow O.K. No male has posted, I have noticed. I am male, by the way.

I don't think there is anything wrong with any of you. You have great hearts and your loyalty is strong, love is blind at times and it just seams to me that your blinded by what was probably a pretty good past.

I know it's easier said than done but you have to move on. The world works in a funny way we are just not attracted to similar people. And you can be sad and angry in a relationship and focus on all the bad, but for some reason when you break up all you think about are the good times. It's a cycle that's healthy and there for a reason. All I can say is don't be afraid of change. True love is out there somewhere, so do yourself a favor and kick him to the curb!

O.K. I actually came on here for a separate issue.

I met a girl last night out at a club, and we got along really well -- I mean really well. Anyway, she asked my name and my birth date, and then proceeded to tell me that she saw a psychic two years ago, and the psychic told her that she would meet a man with my name and my birth date.

So as you can imagine, I was quite taken back in a good way because I liked her and she seemed pretty happy shocked and amazed too. Now we exchanged numbers and then she left. I sent her a couple of texts, but no reply? Did I just get played or what?

I fell in love with someone who is going to get married in December. We had a relationship for 10 months until I have decided to finally leave him last month. He is a womanizer, but I still love him and it is killing me. He says he can't live without me, but he will still get married.

Last Friday he came by my place and texted me that since he couldn't find me, he parked his car and cried, but I have a child who is 3 years old, and a relationship with a man like this will only take me to despair. I just hope I stay strong enough to move on and get out of this.

Men and women are as good and as bad as each other.

Interesting thing is that I knew four men who were players. All four were from different parts of the world.

What did they have in common? They all suffered some emotional trauma that led them to become womanizers.

One guy could not marry the girl he loved because families would not allow it.

One guy had some painful experience with his fiancee.

One guy had a humiliating childhood where he was not cool enough to be popular with girls when he was little

The fourth guy's dad died when he was just a little kid.

This is not to say that all players/whores do what they do because of emotional trauma.

I am no angel. I have never cheated. But I tried to sleep with a girl too soon and told her I was not ready for long term commitment. I think she felt like an object and she called it off.

I apologized for my hormonal behavior at that time. She accepted and we are friends. Though I think she still holds a certain resentment towards me. I am trying to heal our friendship every day.

I used to fool around and at one time, dated this "womanizer," in spite of all the history I've heard from other people from him. I ignored the signs, because I thought he was so charming and different. Once I found out he was hitting on other women and even had sex with his ex girlfriends, I broke it off.

I found a guy who is truly a sweetheart and now we're expecting our first child together. My ex and I work together, and is seeing that I'm pregnant.

This guy has no respect, hitting on me while I am 13 weeks pregnant, saying "I got bigger in all the right places, I'm gorgeous, etc." I don't really want anything to do with him and yes, I will report him to HR.

I'm 18 and my best friend is a womanizer.

He and I were very close. I started to fall in love with him after so many hangouts and "dates".

My other friends warned me that I shouldn't pursuit with him because of his past mistakes.

In the past, he had sex with a lot of girls, and has one currently pregnant.

I ignored all of them and I pursuit with him.

He and I had sex -- a lot. Then I found out that I was pregnant. When I told him, he was totally in shock, but he said he'll be there to support me in whatever decision I make. Then I found out recently that he's dating another girl, while we were doing stuff. I was totally destroyed and I felt so depressed. I had the abortion yesterday, and I found out before I had the abortion that I was going to have twins. Scary as it sounds, I wasn't ready.

I told him about it (which he knew I was having the abortion) and totally stopped talking to me, making me feel terrible about what I did. I don't know what to do with myself or how to get him back. I'm totally hurt.

I am in the same position. I fell hard for a man. Everyone kept telling me I was making a mistake. I told them that they were wrong. And when I say everyone I mean everyone. I was totally blind. You know the saying "love is blind." He would do things. I know so many things that hurt me terribly, but I would forgive and just love him more.

Now I'm totally isolated from everyone. He's bringing his woman to our house to pick him up. I gave him everything. I'm penniless and alone. I don't know what to do. How to get out of here? I'm trapped in another country, and what makes this worse it's my own fault for not listening. I deserve everything I get. I'll never follow my heart again. What heart?

f you so smart, why are you posting your discoveries in the internet instead of someone else quoting your findings from actual research?

I too have been a victim of this womanizer. The saddest part was he was a very close friend of mine from childhood. He ended up in jail and while everybody left him, I stayed by his side. He seemed changed for a while. Once in a blue moon he would call a girl. But by the second day he had different women running up and down from his house and this was supposed to be my closest friend. I was the only one there when no one else was. The saddest part is he never once fought for me to say, sorry let's make it work. Not once to this day.

He still is talking to other women. I stop talking to him once in a while and he calls says he misses me, but that is just the devil trying to make me go back. I'm not going back because I might love him, but you can't make anybody love you. If he didn't love me enough to give up his player ways, he won't.

I wish him the best in life. I pray he does change and one day he repents for all wrong he has done to every girl and I hope other girls don't fall for his lies. God bless and take care.

Once upon a time, I dated a guy who was super handsome, and popular with women and men. We were both in our thirties with a super attraction. We both had similar interests, both were equally educated and we were in love and we became engaged.

He always seemed to really stare at women, and sometimes he would look at teenagers. It was so strange it would give me the creeps. I recall once we were at dinner and he left the table to stare at a women wearing a shoulderless dress. Another time, his co-worker was talking about a female co-worker and said well, my boyfriend had a really hard one for her. What a repulsive and degrading thing to say and think. I found out later that he had porn thing and he seemed hypersexual to me. Another revulsion for me.

Well, I began to grow tired of him. One night we were going to a playoff basketball game and our tickets were at the box office. I decided to wait on the outside and sit on the ledge because they were having a band playing to commemorate the kick offs. Well, this guy offered to smoke a cigarette with me while I was waiting so I decided to ( I don't smoke but I decided one cigarette a year with a nice guy is not a big deal), and as I stood on the ledge waiting, I could see my boyfriend. He was peering through the window at this super thin brunette maybe 16 or 17 years old. She was with her boyfriend. She had her back to my boyfriend. I'm a super thin brunette too, which is even stranger. I watched this very strange scenario unfold before my eyes. My boyfriend stood there, fixated on this girl for what seemed like thirty to forty minutes and the guy I was sharing the cigarette with me said, "Look, date me and I guarantee you I will never do what your freaking weirdo boyfriend is doing." It all struck me as so bizarre that I left him.

Prior to breaking it off with him, my friends and I went to a psychic and she knew nothing about me. She told me this "guy has a sexual kink in his brain and that he is able to have sex with women in his mind without ever touching them." This was all true and she told me he “was a word master, and he can get into you by using words." It blew my mind because he seemed extremely powerful in communication and yes, I would put him in the word master category. She said, you have to feel sorry for whoever marries this guy; he is a mess! She told me to read this book called “Red Dog.”

Anyhow, leaving him was the best thing I ever did. He still cannot maintain a long term relationship with a female. He has had many engagements. Clearly, all the women he dates see the same freaking, creepy stuff I was seeing. I think his womanizing has deep, unresolved, psychological roots and the sickness is being projecting outward. I think women are pretty intuitive and they sense this stuff and it scares them out of their wits and they go running just as fast as they can. After leaving him, I met the most wonderful, spiritual, down to earth, nice, normal guy and we are so happy together.

I have been with my womanizing husband since I was 19 years old! We married two years later and started a family. We now have three beautiful children 13 years later. Since I have been with him, he has been known to "love women," is what one family member said. I refused to believe, and then gave him the benefit of the doubt. Our whole marriage has been based on lies and deceit from him and his womanizing ways!

Now he is so disrespectful, he thinks about flirting, or secretly doing whatever, with people I know: family members, friends, co workers or usually women on his job. He constantly tries to say it's me doing something, which i found out, he is just putting the blame.

Now that we have a teenage daughter, I don't want her to grow up thinking that this kind of behavior that her father puts out to her mother is okay. I love him, but don't think i am in love with him. I have been with him so long, I don't know what to do.

Am I wrong,if I just say I have had enough, and leave? Every time I try and talk about my feelings and what is bothering me, he starts yelling. almost like a defense mechanism so he want have to deal with his wrong.

It's not like i can't take care of myself. He can't find a decent job to support us on his own, so why do I still stay? I'm so confused, but ready to really leave at the same time, and then I wonder about my children, who can see no wrong in him. What do you think I should do?

I am 26 years old. I was 23 when I met my womanizer. I had just moved here to Tennessee, so of course, I didn't know anyone to get any background on this guy.

So we dated at first and then we eventually got together. He had moved in with me and things were going great but I always had a doubt in my mind about his baby mama but it never dawned on me because if he was still with her, he wouldn't be bringing his child around me. Well, to make a long story short, I ended up getting pregnant and he was so sure he wanted this child. I wasn't sure at first, but I had recently had a abortion before so I ended up keeping my child, which I don't regret at all.

Well, things just started getting weird one morning. I was on my way to work and he normally stays in the bed because he didn't work until later, but this particular morning he decided to get up and leave. I left work and popped up at his mama's house to see if his baby mama's car was there as well. So I called inside the house and nobody answered the phone so I used my cousin phone and his brother answers the phone and tells me he is not there.

A minute later, he and the baby mama come out the door but run back in the house quickly. It turns out she was pregnant too. So what did I do? I went to the door and the baby mama comes outside to say they were not together, but he still has a key to her house but my question was if they were not together, then what was he doing over here and why did his brother lie and say he wasn't home and when I came to the door he ran and hid?

Well in the meantime I'm pregnant and she had her baby a week after I popped up. He shows up at my house when she was in the hospital in her truck, drunk. I would continue to talk to him because I was emotional at the time due to hormones. I got a text in the middle of everything from the baby mama telling me that he and I broke their home. I texted her back and said no, he broke your home up with his lies. He acts like this girl don't exist. So she texted me back and said well don't play like a mistress.

So I called her and come to find out they had been together the whole time. The girl is just that stupid crazy in love with this boy that she allows him to do whatever.

It turns out the real reason she texted me was because she thought he was over at my house. Silly girl, and she's telling me well it's not just me and you any more. He's involved with another girl. I told her I didn't want that boy, that she can have him and his lies and now that the baby is here he thinks we are supposed to be on another level but now I when he calls, I'll talk about the baby and if he tries to take the conversation somewhere else I just tell him I will call him back and won't talk to him again until I feel like answering the phone.

So what he does is when he comes and sees the baby then he wants to talk mess and I still just act so funny towards him. I told him I will never allow myself to get wrapped up again because it hurts, especially when you have to go through this with someone you thought you could really trust. But I feel good now because I won't go down that road again. Mentally I wanted him back because of the baby mama, but I just think now it's better her than me who has to live a miserable life and I can't live like that.

We are women. We will never understand or be like men, and the women who do manage to be man-users are not attractive to womanizers. They are only attracted to the feminine, the loving, the vulnerable, the trusting, and if we are other than that, we are not being ourselves.

Perhaps there are one or two Barack Obamas who "seem" to totally be into their wives, but only these one or two. The rest of them - if they have life in them - are womanizers. How do we live with this? Or do we ever? I've gone there in my emotions in order to not be surprised, hurt, and worst of all, belittled by another man who has finished with me and moved on.

Guys, show me you're not typical womanizers, and then I'll believe otherwise, rather than the reverse. I have been so depressed that I wanted to die the last time, and I still carry too much hatred and unforgiveness about my unfortunate history with love to risk it again in the near future.

womanizers are weird and gross.

you women cheat and lie too. Enough said.

I am 25 years old and have just broken up with my boyfriend of one year; he is 44 years old. Everything I have read just confirmed to me about so much.

The first time I met him he got my number from someone and wouldn't stop texting me until a month later I fell for him and I decided to go have a drink. Story cut short: I already had bad feelings about him because he had this Russian girlfriend and her visa expired and she had to go back to Russia and about a week later she left. That's when he started texting me and i remember asking him what about your girlfriend? and he just shrugged it off like 'oh she's gone now who cares' they were together for years!

Anyway, he is going through a very bad time in his life and since I met him he has been feeling depressed. I always felt sorry for him and tried to be there for him, but at the same time since I'm so sensitive he kept putting me down. Nine months later I found a phone he used in summer, and it had messages from women, even a married woman asking her for a drink and that they should meet somewhere private. Then I found out he was on a dating site saying the same thing to 10 different woman.

Then, two weeks ago, i found out he took out another 25 year old for a drink. That's when i said enough is enough. I kept falling for him because I kept believing him that he will change and he kept promising he will never do it again. After I cried and cried so many times in front of him he still did what he did.

I am very hurt at the moment. I didn't expect this from a 44 year old guy. I thought he would be mature, but i realized he always goes for younger girls because they have no experience, so when i read about how conversations are usually surface-level and tailored to appeal to the woman's personality and interests it is so true because he read me and knew how I am and used that to get me.

I feel so stupid for falling for him and so stupid for trying to help him and feeling sorry for him. But i guess these things happen. Now I know what to look out for and at any early sign I run away. I am very badly hurt, but I want to move on now. I don't want him to have power over me.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for years, and for a while now I’ve been reading up on this subject because I find it so interesting. My boyfriend is also a womanizer.

The first incident occurred when I was a in college. I went to lunch at a restaurant with a group of female classmates. During lunch I made the comment that I had to call him. After saying his name, one of my classmates asked how did I know him and told me he had been dating her sister for quite a while and asked if was I on facebook because she didn’t see how I couldn’t have known.

I called him and confronted him about the female and his reply was shocking. He didn’t at first deny her; he simply said “oh” after he realized what he said. He tried to fix it up and just told me that the girl’s sister was just jealous and he was only friends with her sister -- nothing more, nothing less. My heart was broken because I believed every word that she said. I cried the whole way home. Our conversation was very short because he said he had to get back to work.

I went to a friend’s house and I talked to her about the situation, then he called and he apologize about what I had heard and for the way I felt but had to get back off the phone so he could get back to work. I had a final exam due at 3:30 so I headed to the campus to turn it in. As soon as I pulled around the back by the gym and library, I saw his car parked out back, which proved he lied about being at work. I went in the gym to find him and confronted him about lying. To my surprise, he was sitting in the bleachers with his arms wrapped around another female. We had a big confrontation and things happened. Later that night, he called and said he didn’t want to break up, that he loved me so much and I misunderstood what I saw. I forgave him and we went back to the normal routine.

Another time I kept hearing things about him and a girl I went to school. She had a bad name and was known for her sexual activities with a lot of guys. When I asked him, he simply denied it and he said he did know her but it was only through a friend of his and said she had no way of contacting him. I started hearing more and more about them, and my brother even told me one day that he had also been hearing things and so did my sisters and a few friends, but it seemed that the source that I’d have to go to and find what I needed to know was facebook. Since I didn’t have a page, I’d use one of my sister’s pages. He was on all of their friends lists.

I went to the girl’s page and was going through her pics and there was the proof he had been at her house and they had pics together. Once I confronted him with it and shared my proof, he still denied it. He even told me that wasn’t him in the pic. After arguing for the longest, he came up with a story of how she got a pic of him he said the pic was taken the year before he and I started talking which was only a lie because of the way his hair was in the picture and the shirt he had just bought. Just to fast forward, one day he left his phone out and I decided to look through it, and there were at least six or seven calls back to back from the girl. When I asked why he lied, he said because he didn’t know what else to do and he was sorry. I gave him the ring that he had given me a month before the incident back, and he gave me the ring because he said he wanted to marry me. The ring has “I love you” engraved in the band, but a few weeks later, I accepted his apology and got my ring back.

Just to make a long story short: over the course of three years I’ve found out about over 30 females that he’s encountered and every time he tells a lie and apologizes for me having to hear all the things that people had been telling me. He hides his cell phone or if he leaves it out, he puts a lock code on it. All females have a personalized ringer (sexual ringer). I recently created a fake page on facebook and added him. Childish, I know, but I wanted to see if he was as faithful as he says. I pop chatted him and asked was he seeing anyone and he chatted back a sob story of how he’s in a relationship but his girlfriend is a cheater and how his heart is so hurt and he just wanted to get away from it. I later told him it was me and I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I wouldn’t answer the phone or any texts. He called and called and called. After a while, I decided I was ready to talk.

Just to make the story shorter, he is a liar and he is a cheat and he is a womanizer. I sit some days and I laugh because I know all this about him but I continue to be with him and let him take me on an emotional roller coaster. A womanizer cares nothing about the women that they hurt nor do they care about the relationships that they form with women.

A lot of people ask how do I stay and let myself get hurt, but I tell them there is a lesson to be learned at the end of it all: because I’ll admit everything that he does hurts me more and more but I’m a maneater! But I want to love and I want to leave my past behind, but he only brings out the worst in me when the best comes along.

I love him, no doubt, but the man I love is no good. He preys on different women, claiming to love us all. He wants to trap me with a baby but I know that’s only for him. In plans of thinking I won’t leave, that I’ll always have a reason to stay, but my plan is to make him love me as much as I loved him before he started hurting me, and I’m going to give him hell, It’s mean, I know, but revenge is the sweetest joy. I was faithful for so long and never left his side no matter what. I lost my friends and my family because I wanted him, and all he gave me was lies, lies, lies and a heart of pain. He’s even hit on my friends, and made eyes at lots of people close to me, but says he’ll never hurt me because none of them mean anything to them and when I look at everything I’ve been through with him, neither do I.

This is Aussiedreamz here. I stayed with him. Foolish me!

He asked one woman out while I made a trip to see my son and recently he would wave to a group of young women while driving to work, so one day, one of them runs over the road and says hello. He knew where she worked so he dropped his phone number in for her. I found he had texted her 12 times in one afternoon, and her the same. This woman was married with four children and told me there was nothing in it. If there was nothing in it why all the messages? Not something a happily married woman would do.

Her husband found out and made threats towards my partner. He wanted to kill him. I had gotten to the point where I could not recover from the last incident and would as he says "nag" him. He expected me to get over it and demanded trust from me,I would explain to him he had to earn trust, not demand it.

Well, to cut a long story short he got sick of my nagging, I got tired of going out with him and him scanning the area for babes and watching them, not a glance here, but watching. I felt like crap and would tell him how I felt, that I wanted to be made feel important in his life. He got sick of my nagging so he took a job in another town.

I am currently still here in the same place and really don't want to move and be hurt again. I know what I need to do, but I am scared. While I am here waiting for him to come home when he can he is over there chatting up who knows who? That's all I can think of: who is he priming up next?

I am a fool in love, and it's my fault. I only have myself to blame here. If only I could just say goodbye.

@anon143767: Just for your information. This article was written by a man. His name is at the bottom of this article.

P.S. He's also my husband and I can say with absolute certainty, after 14 years of marriage, that he is definitely a man. However, he is way smarter than the average bear, and has no problem seeing something from another's viewpoint. Oh-- and I didn't write the article for him, either. Just in case you were wondering.

All these descriptions are very interesting. By reading it, I can safely make the assumption that the description was given by a smart woman. And the entries are by women as well, lol.

I am a man, and believe that I may be a womanizer. However the beliefs and theories above are a bit off. I like meeting women, and as I meet them I find certain things about them that do not meet my criteria and I move on.

Funny, how we get title "womanizer." You ask a woman who likes to flirt with men and she will describe herself as "A person investigating her other options". But coming from a man, we love long term relationships with the right person. Some women I have encounter have been shallow, it's all about them, no give and take.

Why is it OK for women do dump men? and not OK for us to end a relationship? Women who were dumped for not meeting my standards claimed I was no good, lol. See, I get tired of women demanding me buying them expensive dinners or expensive outings, or at times being too flirtatious with other men.

Women, if you do not treat your man the right way, he will dump you. And go with another person to try again.

I can understand your feeling but if you keep staying with him you will be hurt. Can a person change? Yes, if he is willing.

I personally think first he must accept Jesus as his personal savior. You both will have to pray. The devil is busy but God is greater.

Got a similar story to everyone else. I have been single for a year and was feeling great, met this guy a month ago and right away wanted to check his Facebook profile and stuff which in my opinion can help with finding out what kind of person a person is.

I added him and found some sketchy stuff, got a weird feeling about him. “Womanizer” came to my head, to many women's posts and friends. Anyway, I spoke with him about it. And he said it is not what it seems to look like, and then he deactivated his account, as far as I know, so we moved on from that but I still had a weird feeling.

About two weeks later I get a long facebook message from a girl I do not know whom I noticed on his facebook wall making angry comments. She proceeded to tell me about his lying, cheating, manipulative ways. I was like wow! What is this in my head? I brought it to his attention, and he got mad and said she was trying to ruin things for us. I bought it again. As time went on, he told me he loved me and talked about children, even though it had only been a month.

Unfortunately, I have been having sex with him unprotected and now I worry if I am pregnant. I am probably just paranoid at this point, but I definitely feel now more than ever it is not right for me. I realized when you start feeling anxious and losing yourself that something is up, off and it is time to cut ties with that person. He is not who I thought he was.

I definitely think now that his ex who sent me that message was right. Even my friends told me yesterday that they got that vibe of a manipulator from him and that I should cut ties with him because it is bringing me down, and I see that myself. I am ready to cut him off for my own sanity and well-being. I know it will feel great to end it, considering I know deep down that it is not right. something doesn't fit. I saw warning signs from the get-go.

Oh well. All I can say now is at least it only took one month for me to really notice. It is a lot better than my past experiences and letting them drag on and me getting mentally and emotionally sicker. Sometimes we women are looking for our match and we make mistakes and ask for it. There are always signs. We just have to learn to trust our instincts. We as women know when stuff is going on. Believe in yourself!

the womanizer would want you to be confused. that is the big plan.

he knows how to choose his prey: lonely, quiet women, nice and sweet and single for a long time, probably never had a boyfriend, or just broke up, women who think that their clock is ticking, those who do not want to be "left behind", those who want to show their friends and family that they can actually be loved and be pursued by a handsome guy who they really don't know anything about.

He will be a great charmer, a good listener, a pleaser. He will marry you at the soonest possible time. have your baby fast. move to a place of your own. then you later you will find out that he is a gambler, an alcoholic, a liar, a cheat. He steals from you in cash and in kind (jewelry). He hits on anybody and everybody. You are walking in the beach and suddenly the pretty girl coming your way suddenly smiles at him -- he winked at her. You are ordering in a restaurant and suddenly the waitress gasps -- he winked. He sits on your table in the eatery and while you are waiting in line to take our orders, he smiles at every nice chick who notices him. His phone rings and he gets up and leaves the room to talk. You just have good sex and he suddenly talks about his "past" experiences in bed and how good he really is.

Rarely do you go to places to relax, only to find out that those where the places he spent with somebody from his past. He gets crazy when he loses a lot in gambling, or he did not get his next dose of alcohol or drug. He gets jealous (amusing at first) but later he gets jealous with your friends, family and even with your spiritual adviser. He will have trouble at his work place, he will have difficulty recognizing authority, he will not have a steady job -- he cannot finish goals.

He does not even respect his own parents, he distrusts everyone and anyone, even his siblings. He will give a little and take a lot. He will blame everybody and anybody on everything. nothing will ever be his fault. he will put you down, drop the bad news (like losing a lot of money), insult you at the time in the most unexpected time.

He will demand a lot from you and threaten to leave you. He will actually leave for a while and suddenly show up in your office or front door especially when he needs you for financial, emotional and psychological support. Mostly, it will be financial. It will be never be sexual because he can have that any time and anywhere.

You will both be fine for a while, you will trust again, you will feel safe again and then everything will start all over again. He married you so you will feel tied to him. You had a child or two with him so you cannot get mad at him and send him to jail for the abuse (verbal, physical and psychological abuse).

He will never be satisfied. You will ask yourself, "does he love me, did he ever really love me, will he ever love me, when will he realize that i love him, will he love me again. will he love only me? am i not enough for him to make him content. are his children not enough for him to want to live right?"

Solution: Run away and never look back, and surround yourself with people who love you.

I believe my husband is a womanizer. I recently found out that he had been joining internet dating sites and having sex with women he met, behind my back for six years. He kept his secret double life very well hidden. He justified it in his mind by thinking that what he was doing wasn't affecting his family and what I didn't know about didn't hurt me.

I think the red flags were there before we got married but I obviously ignored the fact that he had a pet name for a woman he worked with, he stared at other women while out at dinner with me, some nights he would ring me and ask me not to come over to his house. All red flags and warning signs.

He fails to realize the hurt and pain he has caused me and my family. He seems to think that because he has said he won't cheat on me again and that it is now all in the past, that things can return to normal and we can start again. He fails to recognize the damage he has done.

His family also has not acknowledged his deceitful behavior to him or to me, and this is also very painful for me to know that no one seems to think he has done anything so wrong because no one has said anything to him.

He has gotten away with it and I am fed up with everything making out that I have to forgive him and that the relationship can be stronger etc., etc. He has betrayed me in the worst way and I am expected to forgive him? Why? So I can stay with a womanizer. Don't think so.

I understand that his mother cheated on his father and she was made to stand in front of the children and tell them what she had done. I believe this has had a damaging affect on my husband in that he learned disrespect towards his mother and then women in general when he himself got cheated on by a past girlfriend. And he thinks I am to blame for his need to chat to other women.

I totally get it and am in the same situation. Wish someone knew what to do. The thing I worry about is my own health and well being, like you mentioned your own self esteem and feeling depressed.

It sounds like you offer this guy a lot and not sure about you, but I tell myself over and over I can do way better. There is lying involved and it will not be only lies about women. My boyfriend has started another addiction and it is the casino.

I feel sorry for these guys. Like you said, they have deep issues that need professional help. Worry about yourself, honey, not him!

what's it supposed to mean when this guy I liked kept playing with my mind?

This message is on behalf of all men, to some heartless women out there:

We aren't heartless, emotionless creatures. When our lover cries a tear, many times we flood ourselves a river. Even though a woman may not realize it, every time she is hurt,

Her boyfriend, husband, partner's heart shatters a thousand times more.

When a woman sleeps with several man, she's called "hot." Yet when a guy sleeps with several girls

They call him a "dirtbag", "jerk", and other names.

When the universe created such a beautiful being

that leaves us guys helplessly in love to protect, to accompany her, his one special friend he is willing to die for.

Someone give an answer as to why women can cheat, lie, steal your money, and dump you once they find a more powerful, useful, richer man, and what is wrong with womanizers!

aussie dreams, your boyfriend needs to get therapy and talk about his issues and get to the bottom of what makes him act out this way. Being molested as a child is a very damaging thing. I have no doubt that his molestation has something to do with it. Could also be a bad relationship from the past -- either his or his parents.

I can't believe how many women fall for these types of guys. Almost every post claimed that this man that has caused you so much pain is a great guy.

The saying is so true: girls prefer jerks. Being a nice guy puts you directly into the friend zone. Honestly, if a guy is hurting you over and over and you allow him to keep coming back, then you deserve to be hurt. Until you get smart and learn right from wrong, it's all on you ladies.

I know guys can be manipulative but it's pretty easy to see what their intentions are. Once you know this and see what he is about and you still stay with him or want him, then I have no pity for you. Smarten up!

wow. i need to hear these comments.

I am in a situation like this. i am in love with this muslim man, and this man seems so heartless, but yet he preach the scriptures like he is living it. the bottom line is this: he is not what i thought. i find him to be a liar and a cheater,

First of all, he is a child molester, a man who raped his wife and daughter, At that time the daughter was 12 and he was38. i did not find this out until three years into the relationship. I never judged him because at that time i did not know him, but what should have stuck was child molester. This man even has a baby by her. I can't imagine what the wife felt, and he went to prison for 10 years.

I loved him in the beginning but he gave my feelings no regard. He used to go out and stay for days at a time, then come back like nothing happened. He can't keep a job, so of course women take care of him -- those who have no idea of what he is.

The problem is this, he cannot stay with me. his kind of background prevents him from living in certain places and I live in that certain kind of place. the man was a liar and cheater from the start. i saw it and then i did not want to see it. all he caused me was pain. I see that he runs from women and never had a place of his own. that's his game, and it took me five years to realize this. my self-esteem went to my toes. now i am trying to get through this, and it's hard, but i know nothing will change -- that is just the kind of person that he is.

The man has no job and no front teeth, but beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder. i was crazy in love. The man would sleep with any woman who would bat her eyes to him. In the beginning of the relationship he used to give and was so good with fixing things in the house, but what i did not know was that he was a wolf in sheep clothing, so charming and wise, or so i thought.

He started sleeping with women in the neighborhood. across from me, all over the place, but yet i still held on, and for what? In the relationship all i received from him was heartbreak after heartbreak. I used to try to tell him what he was doing hurt me deeply but he cared less about how i felt.

i had to make up my mind on what i want. Love peace and security are what i desire in a relationship. he showed me none of that. Now he is living in a place where he is not wanted. the same things are going to happen there. He is a man who preys on women who do not feel highly of themselves -- a woman who would take a man no matter what.

Women are a gift to men, women thrive on their emotions and some men take full advantage of the way some women feel about them, especially when the man knows the woman loves him.

When the woman loves the man to the point of losing the focus on what's most important, that's an issue that she needs to work on. Today i am in the process of healing, I read my bible on a regular basis and am trying to move on with my life.

It's hard because i still have love for him. The man had no respect for women whatsoever. He is 54 years old going from woman to woman. What hurt me the most is that he used me for a while. i gave so much but got so little.

God is all love and there is no hate in God. I was dealing with satan for five years.

Listen men: a real woman loves her man, and all that woman want is respect. If you can't control your desires when your are in a relationship, why commit?

I had to learn the hard way. You cannot hold on to someone who does not want to be held on to.

I had to let go and move on. I decided to put God first. When we lose focus, you lose out on God's precious gift: life.

i was in the same situation some time ago, but i started to feel disgusted with myself for being degraded in this way.

It takes a long time to recover from such abuse, but to be manipulated in this way whittles away at the self esteem.

Get out now -- today. Change your phone number. It will be hard, i know. the obsession with him will fade. Next time, do not allow these men to take over so much of your precious life and consume your soul.

Wow, I just happened upon this site and began to read. From each profile they all seem to have the same things in common: The person they are talking about is what a psychologist would classify as a Narcissist.

For those of you who think that this person loves you, you are in for a rude awakening. That person does not/ The only person the Narcissist loves/hates is themselves.

These people are mentally and physically abusive and will do so if they think they can get away with it. These people cannot be changed or fixed and the best way to deal with them is to walk away and don't look back.

I would suggest some research based on "how to identify a narcissist" and read through the information.

I was with a married womanizer for over nine months. We were both veterans and we met at the hospital. He was charming, attractive and talked very fast. He was a "chameleon". He's an illusion.

To say he pursued me in the beginning is an understatement. Whatever I wanted, he did. Our relationship was sexual since we were both sexual beings. He claimed he and his wife were having "problems". For the first two months, he always called me, then my calls turned to texts, then towards the end I was just e-mailed. He was an alcoholic of the greatest degree! He actually defecated on himself in my bathroom. He was so egotistical that he asked if I had poisoned him after the incident.

When I confronted him about things, he would just turn aloof or he would play mind games. I finally got hip to the idea that he was the reason I was always stressed, because with a womanizer you are always waiting to hear from them etc. It's like holding your breath.

I think we are secretly waiting for them to act the way they did in the beginning but they never will, unless you morph into someone else, because they love anything "new". They are insecure.

If anything good happened for me this guy became jealous. I had been seeing him since Sept 09 and in March 2010 I began to make up excuses as to why he couldn't visit me. For two months I had him stay away because I was done but if I hadn't lied about not being available he would have just shown up unannounced.

In that time my mind got stronger, I got into scripture, stopped smoking and drinking. In May 2010 he contacted me again via email and was disrespectful and angry because I wasn't available for a booty call. He always said things in a roundabout way and he sent a pic of an ape flipping me off and called me a b-word in a weird way. I wrote back for him to not write me, text me or call me again in life.

Well, fast forward to june and he still emailed three times and I ignore him. It was very unlikely for me to ever ignore him but I have gained so much from letting him go.

I was in texas where I met him, but in june flew home to san diego and am with my family and am moving back here. I have rededicated my life to Jesus Christ. At times I think about the jerk. Mostly I worry about the new conquest and hoping she will be OK. I'm glad I got out when I did.

A womanizer can make a woman feel like she can do know better. They also take a toll on self esteem. I'm boosting mine back up. You can leave and someone who is worthy will come along one day. Hugs to you all.

i just found out what a womanizer is and have realized that recently met one at church. i realized that he was talking everything i wanted to hear but i was serious and he was not, because in the long run, we both believe in God, but he wanted to do things the wrong way.

So, this morning i felt bad because i recently told him i don't appreciate you trying to play me. I've been a player so maybe this is karma but just don't call me anymore. All night i asked myself why would this guy behave like this and i even asked a friend's friend within a conversation we were having. he basically explained that his self-esteem was low but being around me made him feel good so he acted like a jerk. i couldn't understand though, because the guy in question seems to have good experience with landing a pretty woman since his baby mom is beautiful. I've seen her pics.

Although I've only known this guy for like, a month or less i was confused and this morning it hit me: womanizer. i never really knew what this word meant. i thought that it meant like a man who beats up on a woman physically and emotionally, but it's a little deeper than that.

So yeah this morning, i first played the britney spears song womanizer lol and then looked up what's a womanizer and that has to be it. he's a womanizer -- a player. it makes a lot of sense.

i mean, this guy thinks he actually got away with lying to me, but i actually know every time he's lying so yeah, I think it was God warning me, but I came out this pit with new-found knowledge.

So, to all you other ladies, remember my story. If you think a guy's lying to you, he probably is and isn't worth your time. You're too beautiful to waste time on a womanizer. Just keep it moving. Be wise as a serpent and as humble as a dove. --Lee

I really enjoy reading the post that these women have put; it is really good to know that I am not alone.

It's weird, you know, because sometimes I feel so desperate and unloved. I have been with this guy for over two years and when I met him he wasn't living in the same city I was living in. Prior to us moving in, he drank a lot so I didn't see it as a problem. I just thought he was single and enjoying going out with his friends.

He would call me all the time and since I was out of a relationship and a single mom for a couple of years I enjoyed his attention.

When we did end up living together it was very confusing. He would sometimes get up and start an argument and leave for no reason. He had pictures on his cell phone of other woman, and women's numbers would show up on my phone. and he would flirt with other girls right in front of me. I didn't really pay attention to it because I thought he was just being nice and was kind of scared to say something to him in case he would leave me.

He leaves for work for over two weeks and when he is there he never calls me, and when he does call he is usually argumentative with me. And yet I still wait for him. What is wrong with me?

I greatly enjoy this topic. Being a so called womanizer is not as bad as some of you make it seem. I enjoy the company of many woman. What man doesn't?

I respect women. I don't mentally abuse them or lie to them and I am not rich. Most women I encounter tell me I am very handsome and charming and that leads to something else. This is not my fault. But I will say honestly, I do not get intimate with married women or women in monogamous relationships, period.

I stick to this code because there are too many single woman looking to have fun, or a memorable evening. This leads me to my next point. Before you engage in an intimate relationship it is very wise to ask the person upfront what they want? If you want what he/she wants then go from there. Please note and I am speaking from personal experience. If you sleep with a charming, attractive person you meet at a bar on the first night, please don't expect a serious relationship. Even though it is possible, it is still highly unlikely. Also know that if you set yourself up for failure it will happen just as you planned.

To everyone in this post enjoy your lives any way you like; just be honest and don't hurt others.

Aussiedreamz- The guy that you described is a good guy? He is pursuing other women. The best thing you can do is stop being good to him and take that energy and be good to you.

You know what he is doing and you are excusing it even though it is hurting you terribly. These are his issues and you deserve better. Look inside for your happiness and if you aren't happy with you, start working on it. t is hard but you will get there.

Love does not disrespect or humiliate you. Please remember that because this guy will leave when he becomes bored with you and finds a new situation, to accept his bad behavior.

I wish you the best of luck because I remember the pain from a relationship similar to yours.

I can relate to most of your stories, and have heard some good advice. My partner of 12 years is a womanizer. He has put me through hell. I have heard every lie and dodgy excuse possible. He is also very wealthy and holds that over my head saying he will take me to court and use his money to take our daughter away from me if I leave him. purely so he doesn't have to pay me child support from his very large income.

So I am forced to put up with his horrible womanizing ways. I was very young when we got together and we were a struggling young family but his luck changed and he scored a high paying job and the money and power went to his head and my life has been a nightmare ever since.

A little advice to any women who come across a womanizer: get as far away from them as quickly as possible and never look back. They will only ever bring you hurt and heartbreak.

I think it's time for me to come to the absolute conclusion that I meet all of the characteristics of a "womanizer", or as it should be called, "Liar".

I've always had more interest in meeting new women than I have been in settling down with one for a long period of time. Sadly, I've been married for nearly 11 years now, during which time I've never crossed the line with another woman, no lie. But it's not for a lack of trying.

I'm ashamed to admit that I've just never met the woman who would bend her own morals to be with a married man. I guess I've probably met women like this, but didn't pursue them for whatever reason, likely, guilt.

The few women that I've propositioned usually say they want to be with me, but then back out. I'm confident that I'm physically appealing to women, but women are smarter these days and just don't hop in the sack with the next pretty face.

I'm also fairly certain that women who give in to a womanizer are either drawn to his status, his money, or their perception of his status and money.

While I earn a decent living, I'm responsible with our family's money, never choosing to blow that limited income on someone I don't know, versus feeding us and keeping our bills paid.

I'm committed to my wife, but I find it irresistible to flirt with other women, and pursue them on occasion. I suppose I'm just lucky they've mainly all said " no".

not all womanizers pretend or have the nice cars or clothes. they are simply nice looking and use that to have women.

Aussiedreamz, you just described my last relationship. I met the man of my dreams, it was love at first sight. He moved in with me and treated me like a queen. He catered to me, he cooked for me, he wouldn't let me get up from the table to get anything. He completely spoiled me in every way. I really believe we both were head-over-heels in love.

After living with each other I found pictures of naked women, many women on his computer, and he was just too friendly to women and hardly had any male friends. I gave him a second chance and he did it all over again trying to be more sneaky. I was completely in love with him. So just last week I wrote him a letter while he was at work and I packed my things and left.

I was devastated and heartbroken but I knew that if I didn't do this I would be in for a miserable life because he was given a chance and still chose to revert to it. I figured I had to do this and respect myself because he wasn't going to.

It was the absolute hardest thing I've ever done but I can say that it's for the best. I don't need a womanizer in my life and neither do you.

I was just in your shoes. Now you need to put your foot down! You are not alone Hun! Good luck.

Delightful

I am 27 years old and I got into this relationship four years ago with a married man. the way he told me about his marriage was that it was not working anymore and he will leave her even if I am not going to be with him. so I believed him and continued with the relationship.

after four months in the relationship I got pregnant by mistake and I told him. He accepted it and after a while I mentioned that she has to know what is happening and he has to stop being in two houses and he agreed and told her.

after that I realize the marriage they had was not like he was telling me. she started being crazy and found my phone and started calling me all the time. unfortunately we speak different languages so we couldn't understand each other.

after that we started living together, but I couldn't trust any word he said.

About a year ago, after all of this, I found a flash disk on his office table at home and I put it in my computer and was looking at the files and I found an e-mail exchange with another women apologizing about making me pregnant.

I asked him who she is when he got home from work and he apologized and told me that had happened before me and it's just that he has to stop her e-mailing me and so on, so I accepted his apology and moved on.

another time I asked him to give a photo of us from his computer and when I downloaded the photos to my computer I saw another woman's photo. He gave it to me by mistake because I also had a shot at the same place and the photo was darker.

Again, I asked him who she is and he said he doesn't know -- maybe someone gave it to him by mistake with other files. I couldn't say much more because I know his work involves a large amount of exchanging files. But I couldn't get it out from my mind and I couldn't just leave him because we had a son.

he is very caring and makes me feel insecure without him. I am not sure I can get a better person if I leave him.

my son will be 3. When I was a child, I grew up with a very abusive step father. my mom left my father because he was cheating on her, so I can say I missed my father as a kid and I know how that feels, so I don't want that to happen to my son.

I don't know what to do. I've lost a lot of weight, I am scared of AIDS and I can't even imagine having another relationship with another man because I don't know how to trust anyone anymore.

So I can say a relationship without trust is a hell.

I am sorry about my english. It's my second language. and the other thing I want to say to other women is please don't trust any word from a married man. Whatever he said is just to take you to bed. Thank you.

Believe in yourself that you can do better. Let your brain rule and not your heart. He does not show you respect. This is not "love".

I have a boyfriend I have been dating for only a few months. Just very recently I felt a vibe from him while around another woman that put my stomach in knots. He was playing into her interests and life and basically charming her in every aspect. He called her baby several times right in front of me and her boyfriend. He was drunk but I feel this is no excuse. At work there are several beautiful women associates whom he talks about quite a bit but I just dismiss it as drama fulfillments in his life. Do I walk away quickly or wait for the screw up I fear is coming? Or will I wake up 2 years down the road to someone who has cheated on me? Any advice? I'm confused because I have fallen for him.

you can do much better. let the dogs have him.

i have a boyfriend whom i have lived with for almost seven years. since we started dating, each year he goes for 2 girls, sleeps with them and dumps them. After dumping the girls, the girls will start fighting with me. he always tells them that we have taken a break in other for him to achieve his goals and when i found out and decided to leave him, he will pretend to kill himself. He will write 1000s of apology letters, including CDs. When i forgive him and started to share a new love again, he will go for the girls again in 3 months time. Can you imagine? a 25 year-old boy going for a girl who is 14 years. Sometimes his girls will fight with me till it reaches the police and courts. Now what should i do?

Should i leave him so that he will go and kill himself? or Do you think he will change?

please help me because i don't know what to do.

and i'm afraid that he may bring me AIDS or disease.

I think some of what we fall in love with when we know a man is no good is the challenge of trying to change him. We hang on to what we wish he would be, which is self destructive. I've allowed a womanizer to step in and out of my life for 14 years. Now I realize he only sees me as a friend and someone for him to have sex with at his convenience. He didn't even try to trick me to think it was love. I tricked myself! Now I realize I wasn't in love with him either. I was in love with trying to get something I knew I couldn't have.

I am currently or should i say i was currently in a situation somewhat similar to this with a 33 year old boy. he has this philosophy of "give them what they want til they learn to except what im going to give" OK at first when i heard him say that i really didn't understand it as it was the beginning of us dating and at that moment it didn't apply to me or us. but now one year later i understand it and feel so stupid cause he told on his self in the beginning i was just blinded by infatuation for him.

basically he is saying is lead them on until we (women) are hooked and after you got them show your true self and by then they will be so mentally emotionally attached that they can't get off the hook. i consider this fishing and the comedian Steve Harvey refers to that in his latest book think like a man act like a lady it is a good read and reference for us women cause he truly adds some light into the male mind and actions.

Through out this year i had grown so attached to, crazy about, love sick, head over heals in love with an illusionist, a womanizer, a user, a liar, a cheater, and a child. I suffered weight lost, hair lost, some financial lost, time self esteem issues, and time wasted.

What these men don't realize is that they damage us good women to where when a good man comes along we are too hurt, damaged, and afraid to even talk with them less give them a chance. and that's where we the good women lose, we lose out on love and life all behind a game that was played with our mind. why would a person do that to another person? and just because they can is not a good reason cause we all could play these childish games and i don't know about any of you reading this but i choose and chose not to. cause it's not right.

wow...and men won't take girls who sleep around seriously. Isn't a womanizer the same thing?--except men get a fancy name like womanizer, tom cat, or player. A woman who behaves in the exact same way gets the label of many derogatory names. I heard my own son say once, "Well, you can't turn a ----- into a housewife." I think the same needs to be said about these womanizer dudes...wow. I just got to know one too, and luckily, I figured him out before it was too late for me. Thank God.

I'm a guy of 21 years. I wonder how women get into relationships without knowing much about him!

But still if you are cheated or being cheated on all you can do is *find another one*!

Even if this doesn't work, just take the time to take care of things. *Time cure everything.*

Even I was hurt by a woman who played bum on me. Life doesn't spare you or me. Huh.. Some challenging time ;)

I am sorry to hear as I recently sort of experienced the same thing. He is a user and still pretty much a drifter and over age 40. It was especially sad to see someone that age mentally and emotionally still about 15. I would like to write a book on it someday! Your loser is self-serving and very selfishness. The initial charm was an act to hide his faults. He may use his past to make you feel sorry for him. I would kick his butt out as he only uses you for a house cleaner, roommate, and mommy. He is immature and lies to you as well as others. Once he lies, you have no trust, therefore no relationship. You cannot have the relationship you want without trust.

I bet you haven't known him very long. You probably were convinced you liked him because he acted charming and seemed sincere at first. Now you want to make him be truthful again-but he never was. Sincerity is not truth-two different things. He is a con-man in addition to a controlling user, immature and totally selfish. If you could just see that he never was the guy you thought-he was only creating an illusion. It is not that he changed, he never was anything special.

Also remember that people don't change overnight. Liars like him get caught, kicked out, which is why they need to have another 'doormat' to go to, like a lost puppy. But a dog is more loyal. It's up to girls to wise up and be women, find out his background, and not be so impulsive to let him live with you. If we all wised up, these losers would have no one to *mooch* off of.

He was never forced to grow up and he still has a lot of maturing to do (at *your* expense.) This guy is not what he pretended to be, and you do not want a liar. I would kick him to the curb. If he plays you for his fool it will only hurt more later. So come to grips with him and find a way to find a decent (female) roommate.

To aussiedreamz:

Time to ask yourself WWDLD. If you ever listened to Dr. Laura on the radio you would have no doubt as to what to do. Believe (and act upon) the part of you that says "leave as he will never change." The part this jerk understands about you is ... "but my heart won't let go." As long as he believes that, he has an ace in the hole.

He's looking to you for "Mommy support" while he runs around sampling all the desserts. He won't let you go because he can have it both ways--his immaturity (with you as his Mommy) *and* his playthings. Believe me, this won't change until *you* let him go. Otherwise you will go on and on and on as being exactly how he described you to his "last one" ... just a housemate.

Think about it ... you *are*!

i have this boyfriend in which i went to highschool with in 2007 and i didn't start dating him until december 11, 2008 and we started actually talking to each other in august and then he started living in orlando florida and one day he asked me for my number when he knew he was going to be coming back here in the city i live in which is milwaukee, wi and that's when i then gave him my home phone number started talking to him a little more then started dating him but now he's been acting strange, change in his voice,and he posted up on his myspace that he was a womanizer so what should i do???

My live in boyfriend of over two years is a womanizer. I love him to bits, he is the best guy I have been with when he is doing the right thing BUT he cannot stop his womanizing ways. I have found numbers and called them finding he has been contacting other women and manipulating them with lies and often either not telling them I exist or simply saying we broke up. I go through so much when this happens and wonder why only to research what a womanizer is to find that it is exactly what he is.

He loves me, I know this, he wants a life with me but he just cannot help himself when it comes to other women. I am left feeling worthless and depressed. I want to be with him, part of me tells me to leave as he will never change but my heart won't let go! No-one can know how I feel when they are not in my shoes.It's not so easy to let someone you really love go.

He was molested as a child, I believe a lot of his pattern has come from this. I feel he needs extensive help but I don't know where to begin. I just know I cannot keep going through the heartbreak of him calling up another woman.The last one he told her I was just a housemate...I was furious when I take care of him and love him like I do, to think he would show me so much disrespect. Help me please, I am totally lost.